You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
