words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
