If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Randomize
