I just threw up on my dentist
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
