I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
