I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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