We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
