so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just invented taco cereal.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
