you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
