You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
