I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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