bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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