Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
