Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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