Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
