As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
