So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
