Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize