omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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