She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
