I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Randomize
