A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
