just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
