onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
