I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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