I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
