You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
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