i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize