I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
