ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
