I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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