he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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