how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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