Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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