I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
