I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You need a sexual gate keeper
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
