i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
