We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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