all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
