there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
