i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
