Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
