I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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