I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
