I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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