My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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