Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
