she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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