shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
