What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
