barbara walters just said penis...
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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