I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
do herpes really smell.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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