Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Someone signed my nipple.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
