wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
