im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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