is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
