hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize