In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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