oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
