I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
