i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
