She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize