um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
