I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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