I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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