Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
