dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
These tits shall not be calmed
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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