; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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