Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
