i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
