I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
