Umm I'm too high to move.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
