im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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