Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
