You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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