apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
