Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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