You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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