you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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