We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
