Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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