I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
