her vagine was all disorganized.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Randomize
