i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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