I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
