i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
