Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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