STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize