I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
