I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
my mouth tastes like poor choices
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
