Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
