I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
