nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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