the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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