I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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