Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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