Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I want to be your penis for a week.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
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