Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
