called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
